Struggling

What happens in CynCity, stays in CynCity!










GOALS ARE WRITTEN IN CONCRETE, THEIR TIME LINE IS WRITTEN IN SAND
God always knows my needs. For some time I have been tryng to figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up. In November I will celebrate a major milestone birthday and part of me is totally overjoyed by all that I have accomplished and yet a part of me is unfulfilled.
I was talking to my Superman today about how much I love my job but how I'm tired of coming to work and doing nothing for 8 hours every day. It is amazing working in a Christian environment but I am not using any of my talents. Like my Superman, I want to be passionate about what I do.
I've wondered for awhile what my calling in life was and I've prayed for it to be revealed. I'll admit that I paid very little to the sermon on Sunday but I did get a little bit of it and as I think back on it- I think I got just what I needed to hear. The gist of it was, ask the Lord what your calling is so that you can take your rightful place and do what the Lord would have you to do.
I work hard in my church. I've been an Elder for 7 years and in that time I've grown tremendously. It's always been my goal to help people and I've had the opportunity to reach out and counsel others. No matter how hard and tedious the work got, something kept me right there. I now know that my destiny is tied to Christ. That no matter what I do, it has to be not only in a manner that will glorify Christ but it has to be an environment where I can openly do so. My current job has shown me what its like to work in a Christian environment and I can't imagine working without Christ as the focal point ever again. I have to be able to be an openly Christian woman who can speak about God and pray for those I work with.
I spent a ton of time on the phone with my sister tonight, talking about our goals, hopes and dreams. I think I know what my calling is. It hit me today like a bolt of lightnening. I've always wanted to help people but I think I've narrowed it down. Before I share it with the world, I'm going to continue to pray on it. I'm quick to lay something in God's hands and then snatch it back before he can have his way with it, so for this first time in my life I'm going to do something I am not good at; be patient.
For once I feel like I've been quiet and still enough and happy enough to really listen to God. I'm excited and hopeful and can't wait to see what's in store.
I suppose I said all that to say, that if you PRAY and WAIT and LISTEN God will provide you with an answer. Now I won't promise it will be easy or that God will send you an email with step by step instructions- but if you lean on him and allow him to guide you- He will tell you exactly where you need to go.
Psalms 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.


GOODTIMES
Longing for the days before
you faded away
when we children used to run and play
in the yard while you grilled hot dogs
and Bobbie set out the mismatched napkins and paperplates
Missing the times you told me about God
and showed me heaven from the bathroom window
and prayed with us before tucking us
in to our sleeping bags on your living room floor
never have I felt so safe
Wishing we were back at Vacation Bible School
making arts and crafts knowing you were proud
to be sharing your faith with us
and me and Cyn so happy to just be with you
Longing for the days when my children were born and you would hold them and laugh
and you would bless them with your favorite prayer and pose for a photo for their baby albums
Missing the advice you had to share
and the stores of your childhood in Barbados
and your world travels and the debates we used to have
over a glass or two of your mystery juice mixes and seltzer water
Wishing you never suffered
Wishing you never felt any pain
Wishing your strength never faded to weakness
and your muscles to skin and bone
wishing your eyes never took on that farway away look
Wishing you never grew cold
Wishing you never slipped away from me,
from us, from this world
Never will I forget you
Never will your memory leave my mind
Never will I forget the sound of your voice
Never will I forget the smell of your skin and the firmness of your hands
Nor the sharpness of your wit nor the
breadth of your mind
There will never be another one like you
God created you one of a kind
So glad as a grandfather you were mine
So thankful to have had you
So happy for the bit of extra time to hold you and say goodbye
So glad that God was a generous God when he took you he left me with the memories of you and the goodtimes.
Im Memory of Ivan Eugene Daniel -Keley Johnson Feb 22, 2007 8:09pm
