CityofCyn

CynCity is either gonna close up shop or go private, probably the latter. If anyone is interested in reading along email me at cityofcyn at gmail dot com. Thanks

I try not to live with regrets. Everything in life is an opportunity for learning and growth, even the experiences that suck. Some of the hardest things in life have made me that much stronger and more determined and so I wouldn't trade them for the world. There is a saying that is something like if I didn't have sorrows, I wouldn't recognize joy. Likewise, if I didn't know heartbreak, I wouldn't recognize love.

If I had to pick one thing I regret, I would pick not taking college seriously. I graduated high school earlier and I certainly had the grades for college. I just wasn't that interested and even just applying for college was an expense we couldn't really afford so I went to the JC. I played around and even though I transferred in 2 years, I still wasn't serious at the university. I didn't really know what I wanted to do and it was just tough. I started working and being able to provide for myself and my family became priority and so that took precedence.

I regret dropping out multiple times, I regret the student loans I took just to live while in school, I regret not being more serious about my grades. I regret not planning for my career more. I wish I could have interned and done more so that I could be further ahead in my career. Life would be much easier now if I had been more serious about my education.

I can say with pride that I got my AA with Honors and that I have my degree and I am now considering grad school but the road was not an easy one by any means!

By far my favorite birthday was my 30th. I can say without doubt that I was happy. All was right in my world. It was just a great birthday.

Superman bought me a Tiara and we set out for dinner. We had a romantic Italian dinner for just he and I. He toasted me on my 30th and he was just so excited it was my birthday. We then set off for Howl At the Moon, which is a dueling piano bar. It was my first time there and I LOVED it. My family, his family and my friends all showed up to celebrate and we had an outstanding time. We partied, sang, drank, danced, and my honey was right there by my side making sure my every need was taken care of. My family doesn't get together much and I don't think we've ever really partied together so seeing all my cousins come in one by one made my night. Birthdays are really low-key in my family and it was the first time someone really made a big deal of my birthday. I've been married and not gotten so much as a card on my birthday so the effort spent in ensuring I was happy was much appreciated.

It was a simple fun evening, but it was SO special to me. I had not a care in the world and I spent the night with the hugest kool-aid grins on my face all night long. I look back at the pictures and I can see the happiness. I was in my element; good food, drinks and most importantly GOOD PEOPLE. One of Superman's favorite pictures of me is me clad in my tiara smiling so hard my eyes are barely open. I was loved and so happy that night.

So I suck, I can't pinpoint one favorite memory. I have a few that stand out but I mentioned all of those in my memorable moments post.

I have some great memories in my head, especially my cousins and I as kids but you kinda had to be there to find them half as funny or cute as I did.

How about this one? The Michael Jackson Victory tour. I can't remember walking up to the venue or even sitting in my seat but I remember their act. I remember all the Jackson brothers dancing and they all stop and point (I can't remember the song so I can't YouTube it, sorry. I remember at one point Michael climbs into this little box high up in the rafters and then the box explodes and all this confetti and stuff comes out and Michael appears standing on the stage. It amazes me how much I remember about their performance cause I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6. It was a one in a lifetime experience and I am so grateful for it.

I must be getting old cause I barely remember my first kiss. I was 13 I think (I don't feel like doing the math) and it was the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was "dating" a dude who was 17 and had the hugest crush on him. I used to think he looked like Dalvin from Jodeci and looking back now my eyesight has always been real questionable. To my defense, my sister and friend both agreed that he did.

I'm pretty sure I was in my room. My mom worked an hour away and so we pretty much did whatever we wanted while she was at work. I remember being nervous and I remember thinking it was so completely opposite of what I thought kissing would be. I enjoyed it though. And to this day I love kissing. My 1st kiss and I recently connected on Myspace 2 years ago. My sophomore year or high school he went to jail for 8-10 years and I wrote him letters for the first 4 years or so until we lost touch.

My 2nd kiss happened at church summer camp and it was the kiss every girl dreams of. Handsome man, walking amongst the trees at night. We walked a little bit away from the group and under the night stars he kissed me. We spent the week at camp joined at the hip and even walked hand in hand on the beach. It was my most romantic moment at the time and probably helped set the stage for the romantic woman I am now. My 2nd kiss and I are still friends and are in contact on facebook.

Over the years my dreams have changed drastically and that is not really a bad thing, in fact at times it a necessity. They say the only thing you can bet on is that there will be change. I find that I hurt myself more when I hold on to these rigid dreams for myself and I am not willing to add or subtract from them.

Due to an unexpected opportunity and a not so well thought out choice; the dreams I had for myself might once again be taking a drastic change and all I can do is roll with it and make the best of it. Once upon a time I dreamed of being a pediatrician with a happy family complete with picket fence. Intro to Chemistry killed the pediatrician dream early on in my college career. LOL. As I grow and learn who I am and what I want, my dreams sometimes change.

I just want a happy and fulfilled life. I won't say that consists of a certain career or a hubby and 2.5 kids- I want that in whatever way God intends and I am open to all the possibilities. I will work hard at what I can and leave the rest up to chance. I have a goal list on my refrigerator and I add to that regularly and the things that are on the list are the things that I solely control and that I can achieve with hard work and determination. Those things are my focus for the time being.

Someone please tell me why it's 5:42 AM Sunday morning and I am wide awake and been awake for more than an hour. I generally wake up around 3 or 4, check my phone, take a potty break, talk to God and doze right back off. Today I woke up and was wide awake and after a few episodes of Family Matters I started craving sunflower seeds and now I'm sitting up in bed- laptop on, cracking seeds like it's the middle of the day. Thank God tomorrow is Sunday or I'd be one cranky witch at work.

I have a few things on my mind but I don't feel overly stressed, worried or anxious so I'm not sure why I am wide awake like this. I started packing and my room is cluttered and I HATE clutter but I don't think that is bugging me. I am actually quite relieved I finally started packing. Whatever the reason, I am up! I am sure stress and anxiety are contributing to my health issues even thought I don't outwardly feel stressed. I think I have a good handle on my stress but I might need to rethink my stance. There is a correlation between my heart condition and anxiety and I need to look into that a little further. One doesn't cause the other but there seems to be some major relation. I need to research anxiety a bit more.

I need to finish my post about the Ultimate Merger. That show was the best train wreck I have watched in a long time and the icing on the cake was the damn fine eye candy. The show, as are all of these damn dating shows, was stupid but I couldn't stop watching. And don't get me started on her spiritual advisor. Anyhoo, maybe since I am up I'll finish it.

I'd much rather be sleeping....

I didn't take pictures once again, forgive me.

I work black leggings and a black and white floral patterned mini dress. It took all the effort in the world to pull my hair into a ponytail and that was it for the my day. I only left the house once and just didn't have any energy to do any more.

This week hasn't been the best. It started with some type of stomach ailment- I assume food poisoning although my brother and I ate the same thing and he is JUST fine. I had the worst stabbing stomach pains and nothing I eat stays inside. It's Friday and a few hours after I eat everything still comes back with a vengeance.

I followed that with a 7 hour ER visit that consisted of a lot of waiting, a chest X-Ray, CT scan, IV, 7 vials of blood taken and an EKG all which gave me no diagnosis or any relief. I had chest pains and shortness of breath (which isn't totally abnormal for me) for the better part of the week and coupled with the stomach pains I was a complete mess. I'm still not feeling much better but I am alive and I am grateful for that.

My work week has been pretty chill, I love my job so no complaints there.

I will spend the weekend on the couch trying to feel better and packing to move. I can't believe this month will be over before I know it and I need to get packed and ready to move NOW. Time somehow got away from me and I'm trying to attack this properly and with a good game plan so I don't have to go into panic mode.

So despite a few health issues, I've had a decent week and am anticipating a low-key weekend.

I am a bag lady.  I ALWAYS have too much stuff crammed into a bag.  I'm rocking a much smaller purse than usual but I still have way too much stuff with me. This does not include the book, paperwork and journal I have with me.
















-my zebra striped wallet.
-My antibiotics.
- A CD with my Xray and CT scan from the ER
-A packet of Pepto Bismol
-Contact lens case and my glasses
-My digital camera
- A Hair Brush
-Lotion
-Gum&
-Loose Change and bills
-Blistek chapstick, lipgloss, & lipliner
-A pen
-random papers
-Check Book
-My key ring (which has far too many keys, discount cards and my work badge attached)
-Sun glasses