CityofCyn

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, risks, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful with God"

I feel like me again. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad-downright miserable in fact but I really don't wanna feel like this anymore. When I get like this I know me, I start acting; I make changes no matter how scared I might be. Life has been rough. Horribly heart breaking fucking rough. But I'm done letting it knock me down AND keeping me down.

When I decided I had worked my ass off for my marriage and done everything in my power to make it work and it just wasn't going to be enough, I walked away. It hurt like hell. I climbed into bed and cried and grieved and wanted to die. But I NEVER looked back. NEVER once regretted my decison. NEVER once wondered what if. I had amazing days and I had shitty days but I kept going. I knew what the alternative was. I knew that wasn't where God wanted me to be. Both God and I had bigger grander plans for my life and I was being disobedient by staying there longer than God intended.

That's where I'm at right now. Beyond ready to step into a better me. Tired of hurting, struggling and feeling like I am getting nowhere. It will probably get harder before it eases a bit but I am so ready to make changes. Tired of talking about what I want. Tired of wanting change but feeling helpless to make it happen. Tired of dreaming of the life I want when I can have it if I am willing to work for it. Happiness isn't going to fall in my lap and I'm tired of being unhappy so I'm going to do everything in my power to change that.

It's sad that sometimes we gotta hit rock bottom before we truly hear what God is saying; before we recognize our own strength. Ive made it through tough times and I can make it through this. I'm not gonna sit her and wallow in my own shit. That's stupid- I just need to climb out of it. So yeah, this blog has been pathetic for a few months and it will probably have more pathetic days in the future but that won't be the norm.

I finally feel a bit of the old Cyn coming back. The fearless Cyn who leaps before she looks for a soft landing spot, who knows that even when things are tough I am tougher. I don't call myself Superwoman for no reason. It's time to draw on my inner strength that comes from above and do what I am called to do. Welcome back Cyn, it is so good to see you again.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13