05 Mar
Random Ramblings and Updates
Cute as A Bunny Challenge
So I only lost 1.1 lbs last week and I'm trying not to be sad about it. I know my endurance is increasing and overall I feel better but I wanna see the scale dropping. As far as I can tell I might be up a pound or 2 this week and I am really not pleased about that. My official weigh in day is Sunday so we'll see how that goes. I know I haven't had breakfast every day this week and I haven't been quite as active but I've stuck pretty close to my diet.
Weekend
My weekend was a bit emotional but pretty chill. I attended a baby shower for my nephew-in-law against my better judgment after my sis reassured me that it was ok and that she really wanted me there. I battled rain, car issues and traffic to get there. She and my nephew were genuinely happy to see me and I was just as happy to see them. As I began to help decorate and setup my sis told me that my ex was on his way and he was not at all thrilled that I was there; some of the rest of the family wasn't either. I'm sure he was probably bringing his girl and I can understand his displeasure to an extent but a part of me thought it was silly. In any case, I neglected to stay and left before he arrived. I never got to see my nieces or mommy-in-law and I was quite sad about that. My sis almost cried when I told her I was leaving and she just kept saying "this isn't fair, it's not supposed to be like this." Lesson learned. My large dysfunctional family consists of plenty of current wives/girls/mother of children and the all of the ex's as well. I grew up and never once saw my mom fight with any of my dad's wives. Family is family to me. I'll just make time for my sis-in-law and her kids when the entire family isn't involved.
After the baby shower I went to my cousin's art show. Just about the entire family showed up which was really nice. I love being around my family. I spent plenty of time with my baby cousin Sloan curled up on my chest. We hung out at the cafe for about 3 hours or so and then I went for dinner and drinks with my uncle, cousin and brother. Watching the men in my family scope out women was quite hilarious and I had a great time. Despite all I had to do Saturday, Sunday was quiet and I felt kinda lonely.
Stuff...
As always my mind is working overtime. I have so much to think about and figure out and I don't know where to start. My mind is constantly going. I think I am sleeping. I know I fall asleep and I wake up off and on but I think I sleep but then I wake up so unrested. I fight with my alarm EVERY single morning. I'm sad off and on and of course I feel bad for being so hard on Superman. I replay over and over in my head all the great times, stress over the bad ones (esp. my part in them) and just generally think and care about his well being and what's going on his life. There are just so many things that are not ideal and I keep trying hard to fix them but nothing seems to be working. I'm trying hard to be patient and just let go but I'm not doing good job at it. I hate not being in control. I just wanna be happier far more often than I'm sad. I am blessed to be loved though and I hope to never lose sight of that again.
So I only lost 1.1 lbs last week and I'm trying not to be sad about it. I know my endurance is increasing and overall I feel better but I wanna see the scale dropping. As far as I can tell I might be up a pound or 2 this week and I am really not pleased about that. My official weigh in day is Sunday so we'll see how that goes. I know I haven't had breakfast every day this week and I haven't been quite as active but I've stuck pretty close to my diet.
Weekend
My weekend was a bit emotional but pretty chill. I attended a baby shower for my nephew-in-law against my better judgment after my sis reassured me that it was ok and that she really wanted me there. I battled rain, car issues and traffic to get there. She and my nephew were genuinely happy to see me and I was just as happy to see them. As I began to help decorate and setup my sis told me that my ex was on his way and he was not at all thrilled that I was there; some of the rest of the family wasn't either. I'm sure he was probably bringing his girl and I can understand his displeasure to an extent but a part of me thought it was silly. In any case, I neglected to stay and left before he arrived. I never got to see my nieces or mommy-in-law and I was quite sad about that. My sis almost cried when I told her I was leaving and she just kept saying "this isn't fair, it's not supposed to be like this." Lesson learned. My large dysfunctional family consists of plenty of current wives/girls/mother of children and the all of the ex's as well. I grew up and never once saw my mom fight with any of my dad's wives. Family is family to me. I'll just make time for my sis-in-law and her kids when the entire family isn't involved.
After the baby shower I went to my cousin's art show. Just about the entire family showed up which was really nice. I love being around my family. I spent plenty of time with my baby cousin Sloan curled up on my chest. We hung out at the cafe for about 3 hours or so and then I went for dinner and drinks with my uncle, cousin and brother. Watching the men in my family scope out women was quite hilarious and I had a great time. Despite all I had to do Saturday, Sunday was quiet and I felt kinda lonely.
Stuff...
As always my mind is working overtime. I have so much to think about and figure out and I don't know where to start. My mind is constantly going. I think I am sleeping. I know I fall asleep and I wake up off and on but I think I sleep but then I wake up so unrested. I fight with my alarm EVERY single morning. I'm sad off and on and of course I feel bad for being so hard on Superman. I replay over and over in my head all the great times, stress over the bad ones (esp. my part in them) and just generally think and care about his well being and what's going on his life. There are just so many things that are not ideal and I keep trying hard to fix them but nothing seems to be working. I'm trying hard to be patient and just let go but I'm not doing good job at it. I hate not being in control. I just wanna be happier far more often than I'm sad. I am blessed to be loved though and I hope to never lose sight of that again.