CityofCyn

I started my vision board this weekend and I am excited about it. I've done a few digital ones but this weekend I sat and cut up my magazines. Not surprisingly, the recurrent them was love. Not just romantic love but self love and love for humanity. I'm a giver. I only had fitness magazines and a few Ebony magazines so I'm still in need of more pictures. I'm excited to see what the final product will be and I can't wait to hang it in my room. I feel inspired by it in the midst of the chaos that I feel.



I was kinda hard on myself this weekend. I came to the not so startling revelation that in the last 4 months my heart hasn't changed. I get mad, unhappy, dissatisfied, sad, and lonely but those feelings are not the dominant ones; I still feel a great deal of love. In fact, I am still discovering new reasons why I love him. My feelings remain virtually unchanged and that drives me crazy. I don't feel like that is serving me well but I've been helpless to do anything about it. I've prayed long and hard and yet no change and I don't know what to think about that. There are still far too many moments where I just want things to be the way they used to be. Moments where I'm moved to tears by everything I feel. As much as I'd love to not care I don't want to not care. I'm trying not to stress it though, what will be- will be!